Antony Williams, one of Viv’s mentors, suggests there are three things people want from meetings: identity, connection and action.
Identity: we want our own identify affirmed. At it’s most basic level, we want people to know our name, and to have our own thoughts and views acknowledged.
Connection: we don’t come to meetings to be alone. We want to feel connection.
Action: People want something to happen, for there to be movement and change.
We thought about this three part model playing one of our favourite introductory activities in Cambridge recently. We had a group of about 20 people who’d never met before, so we played a name game. This is a ball throwing game in which we practice naming all the other participants. It’s done in a playful spirit that’s highly accepting of mistakes.
We all stood in a circle and called our our (first) names in turn. Then someone would start by throwing an imaginary ball to someone else in the circle, saying their (first) name. Sometimes this might be a bit of a guess from memory, sometimes it was done with certainty. The person thrown to would that state their own name before throwing the ball to someone else.
The brief for this game is to not get stuck on mistakes. So if you’re thrown the ball by someone who says your name wrong, you don’t stop the game to scold them, you act as if this all fine and simply state your correct name on receipt and throw it to the next person.
We know from experience that getting the names right is not as important as keeping the energy flowing. Stopping to agonise before throwing doesn’t create satisfaction. Whereas a lightly held mistake can be taken playfully.
As with all these apparently trivial games, a lot goes on and it reminded us of Antony’s model. If players focus too hard on their identity, they stop the game when someone says their name wrong. If they worry about action – making progress – they worry too much about the mistakes and become distracted. But as the game progresses, we realise that we are learning everyone’s name and feeling quite energised.
In organisations, the pressure for results means we easily skip over connection – but without it, we may be failing to create the kind of group spirit that leads to much better communication and insight.
Photo by Alex Blăjan on Unsplash